Like any journey we choose to take there are varying "steps" the process comes to us in layers. Most recently on my path, I chose to walk into the void. This empty space of nothingness and everything has opened my eyes to see more clearly the depth and layers the process it takes for Self realization. I have witnessed the varying small steps that I wasn't fully aware of at the moment that was guiding me back to myself again. The Universe is gentle with us and provides us with an open pathway, provides signs, and hints of what is to come. We must be open to the signs and the work so that we can be present with the work. If we are open to the process it will be a gentle one, it is only when we resist that we are side swiped sorta say. The moment we have an idea or thought that this might be something deeper than at surface value, follow that feeling, that nudge, trust your intuition. For there are many layers to the healing journey. I share this today, for this is something I have kept in the dark for 13 solar rotations (13 years). I believe a part of the balancing work when something has been kept so dark is to shine the light, bring it out into the open. I believe the more we use our voice, speak to the darkness, the less it has power over us, yet instead can
empower us to deeper self discovery and integration of all aspects of Self. Thank you for witnessing and being a part of this journey.
Coming to terms with this monster inside me was a journey beyond what I could’ve imagined as possible. It had become so easy and natural to lie to myself that I believed the lie, I told others the lie. They believed it too. I believed this lie so deeply that my consciousness, created an empathic situation outside of myself so that I could feel the pain through witnessing another. I was so good at pretending that I couldn't look at it from within. I had to see it outside of myself to begin the healing process. I sat at a bus stop one day seeing a familiar face, I didn't know her name but I remembered her. She was different this day though. Instead of wearing the soft flowing dress I had seen her in before she was wearing baggy clothes bulked up so that you couldn't see her shape. Her sweet face had cuts and bruises. I said hi, brought conversation to the mermaid bag she carried. So soft and sweet this woman was before me, still open and receptive to my words and connection even after the deep pain she must have recently endured. She still was present to receive love from me as I offered what I could. I tried to make her smile, see the beauty within, we bonded, I still love her dearly even though I haven't seen her since. My bus came, she handed me a heart shaped pillow, the pillow had the words "its all about me." I had no idea the depth of meaning behind that little slogan. As this was my precursor to the deep healing to come.
The path of Self Love, at the heart of it. As I got on the bus I could feel what she had endured. My body felt it, my yoni, I was in pain physically, mentally and spiritually. I was deep in anger, hatred and a wrath towards anyone who could do such a thing. While I am aware that what I was feeling was deep empathy for this woman. I can now One solar cycle later, see that she was a catalyst to opening me to what was wanting to be felt, heard and experienced within myself. For I had allowed myself to shame me into quiet submission. So that I could pretend this never happened. Pretend I was happy healthy and whole. This was the first phase of the wake up call. The first step into coming to terms with personal rape experience. The healing to my spirit, my emotional body, physical body and sexual body.
The healing of sexual trauma I believe is one of the main components to the creation of heaven on earth at this time. Through healing sexual trauma we are taking back our creative powers. Sexual energy is life force energy, the path of creation. We don’t need to be actively having sex or actually making babies to access the deep powers of our sexual energy. It is vital to our life force that we are aware of the circulation of our sexual energy and how we use it.
I am all for sexual liberation and freedom of expression. I am no longer in alignment with the use of sexual energy to escape from inner work, filling an empty void or expanding the trauma wound that is begging to be felt and released. From what I have witnessed many religious cultures have shamed sexual expression, perhaps for power and control. I have also witnessed society (here in the USA) go to the extreme opposite spectrum, to where I question if the sacredness of sex is even remotely comprehended.
I give deep gratitude to every man and woman that is currently bringing channeled teachings, new information and knowledge as well as ancient teachings to inspire healthy sexual energetic flow. I thank you for how you have looked within to better understand the ways you have either been raped or raped in the past. Thank you for the inner courage and strength to be with it. To feel the full spectrum of emotions. When you are ready, may forgiveness make your acquaintance. There is no rush all will find a way to settle when the space has been created for it. I can remember a time when I refused the idea of forgiveness. Yet, through forgiveness comes liberation. No one can cage our heart or our mind. We have the gift of sovereignty. We have the ability to choose. We may have not chosen the experiences we had, yet we always have the ability to chose the path we walk forward from now.
I am you and you are me. Together We are.
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