The other night as I lay in bed after a mini melt down, worn out from a bacteria that my body was fighting off. Worn out from hearing my son ask to go on a plane back to the Lighthouse, not because I get tired of repeating myself with him, but because that is what I think I am deeply craving for and yearning. So, in this state of deep emotion, I ask Spirit, can I go back please? This inner work is so intensive and I don't think I can take it. I hear the gentle, loving response, yes, there is a path for that. You can take that path at any moment. Just as gently, a soft warning is shared, if you take that path you will only be delaying what you came to do. The Work wont go away. A sense of peace washes over my body, for I remember that I have the choice to be here. I am not stuck or trapped as I was beginning to feel. In fact I am more free than I have ever been.
Now, to share a little about this journey to my birth land, Bolivia.
I had been anticipating that the plane ride over would be filled with challenge as it would be the longest plane ride and first time doing it alone with my almost 3 year old son. Turns out he loves flying, and it actually brought me great delight seeing others' joy in his presence. I was worried about getting through customs, seeing how the US handles people coming in, had me wondering, how will this turn out? I hope I have all the documents I need. That was a breeze, the man asked me how long I will be staying? I responded I don't know, I might move in. He just said to make sure I have my documents when I leave. So simple. (I am a resident). My cousin Nadia and Mauricio welcomed me at the gate, and handled every detail. I could feel such a depth of love and care that I knew I was exactly where I needed to be. This was going to be a healing, transformative journey.
What I wasn't ready for was what would come in the empty space, in the time alone while my family was taking care of regular life, work and studies. Having just spent plenty of hermit time in Wenatchee, I thought that it would be natural and enjoyable to just be with my own thoughts. Turns out I would instead plunge straight into the dark spaces of my heart, that had forgotten they are loved. Up until now, two weeks into this journey, I have continued to hold deep feelings of sadness with deep gratitude and joy. So much so that I have almost forgotten what it is to feel only one a time.
Like a tree that is pulled out of the soil to be planted somewhere new, moving to a new country with a small child has proven to be shock. Just so happens that I chose to make this move at a time where as a collective we are experiencing greater waves of high vibrational energy coming through. With that, anything that is blocking light to come through is being stirred up to be cleared. This includes old patterns that do not serve and wounds that are ready to be healed. I have found comfort in navigating the full spectrum of emotions. Found peace in sitting with the little voice within asking to be heard. Have found great joy in gaining clarity on matters of the heart.
Through this inward journey we are being asked to look at ourselves from many perspectives, step outside to look inside. Step deeper inside to see more clearly outwardly.
In this reflection of Self, ask the questions what brings us our sense of value and worth?
How can we stay true to our core beliefs? Are we actively taking the steps to living our Highest purpose?
Comments